In a move that has left the nation stunned, Texas has decided to increase its maximum highway speed limit to 110 mph, cementing its status as the “pro-death” capital of America.
For a state so deeply committed to pro-life values, this decision seems like a daring, almost avant-garde, departure from its long-standing principles.
Texas, known for its love of freedom, guns, and all things big, has now added “high-speed vehicular manslaughter” to its list of state-endorsed activities.
The state legislature, apparently tired of protecting life in all its forms, decided it was time to spice things up a bit by creating a new kind of thrill—one that involves dodging death at breakneck speeds on the interstate.
Governor Greg Abbott, in a press conference held at a gas station off I-35, proudly announced, “We’re bringing freedom back to the roads. For too long, Texans have been constrained by the oppressive tyranny of the 85 mph limit. No longer! We believe in the sanctity of life, but also in the sanctity of living life on the edge. And what better way to experience the edge than by hurtling down I-10 at 110 mph?”
The governor’s remarks have been met with mixed reactions.
Pro-life advocates are scratching their heads, wondering how they missed the memo that protecting the unborn does not extend to protecting the born, especially if they’re behind the wheel of a Dodge Ram 1500.
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“We’ve always fought for the right to life, but we didn’t realize that right ended once you hit the on-ramp,” said one confused activist.
Critics argue that this new speed limit is nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to reduce traffic congestion by, well, reducing the number of drivers.
“It’s genius, really,” commented one political analyst.
“The faster you drive, the faster you die. Texas has found a way to solve its traffic problems and address overpopulation all at once. It’s a win-win for the state budget!”
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