In a bizarre and outlandish legal maneuver, Kyle Rittenhouse, the controversial figure from the Kenosha shooting trial, has taken inspiration from an unexpected source: the elusive lizard people.
Rittenhouse’s legal team, known for their eccentric tactics, has argued that if contractors can register liens, then so can they.
Citing a landmark case from 1957, The United States v The Little Green Men from Mars, they assert that one can even put liens on planets to demand what they believe is owed.
With this unusual rationale in mind, Rittenhouse has now set his sights on none other than Whoopi Goldberg’s lavish Malibu home, aiming for a staggering $22 million settlement.
The lizard people, known for their supposed presence in high-ranking government positions, have reportedly influenced Rittenhouse’s legal strategy.
Their otherworldly wisdom, acquired from undisclosed sources, has convinced Rittenhouse’s team that registering a lien against Goldberg’s property is not only legally sound but also an effective way to obtain the compensation they believe their client is entitled to.
“It’s simple,” Rittenhouse’s attorney, reptilian aficionado Mr. Slithers, explained during a press conference.
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“If contractors can file liens against properties, why shouldn’t individuals or lizard people do the same? We’re simply adapting our strategies to the times and taking advantage of the legal system’s quirks.”
According to Mr. Slithers, the Little Green Men from Mars case set a groundbreaking precedent in 1957.
In a legal battle that captivated the nation, a group of extraterrestrial beings claimed they were owed substantial damages after an alleged Martian invasion.
The court ruled in their favor, allowing them to place liens on Earth’s major landmarks, and even planets within the solar system if necessary.
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Damn, I was hoping it was true, especially with a crack (apologies to hunter) left-handed legal team like Slither and offsprings.
But as messed up as this world is today I wouldn’t be surprised
Hope Kyle gets full revenge vs goldberg
The red hawk, revenge? That’s all you republiKKKLANS HAVE, KYLE DOESN’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. I hope the lizard people take him back to mars where he belongs.
you are disgusting
You repugnant sow…. I hope you get ass cancer.
You deserve it.
You’re repugnant scum.
The author of this article is a retarded ignorant brainwashed libiturd sheeple idiot.
Given your content restriction we will never be able to talk down any invading enemy. Maybe too many women on staff.
I need to pull the hook out of my mouth, now. This was good enough for the Babylon Bee, keep writing this stuff.